he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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