we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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