am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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