what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
