Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
