Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
