alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
