I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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