I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
