I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
