Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just want nice things and good sex
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
