i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
