Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
