the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
