Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
