apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
