brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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