That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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