when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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