Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
