I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
