i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
