This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
