no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
