i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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