I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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