I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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