He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
