I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
