did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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