Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
