Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
