i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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