Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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