____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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