She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize