he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
