if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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