I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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