We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
