I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They took my balls.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
