I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
