Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
