There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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