I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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