Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
