a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
