At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
