Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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