btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize