the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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