Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
