I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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