Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
