He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
