I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
