Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
