Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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