My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
