he thought i was a dude.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
