happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
