I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
