oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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