well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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