90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
