Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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