When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
