mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
