then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
